Thursday, August 14, 2008

I can see the pain

Describing an "emotion" or a "feeling" verbally, finding just the right words, can sometimes be a real challenge. We are seldom hurt by a stranger, but rather by those we love. For only they have the weapons that bring real pain

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I am writing this article at a time in my life in which my friend deserted me. It hurts me because I thought she really cared and it confused me so...the sudden change. I now know that when things get rough, you discover who your friends really are. I miss her.. Yet, I know it will never be the same.

Saying goodbye to a friend isn't easy. And sometimes our good-byes, like our emotions, don't make perfect sense. It's ironic how when you find a friend, this friend treats you as a really good friend at first because you are new, but then starts to fall away. This happened to me several times on occasion, and when the friend falls away, the mask is removed.

I still see her face in my dreams and It hurts and it doesn't help me at all. I still want her in my life and I want to catch her when she falls. I still remember the first time I met her. There was something so different about her. Her friendship was something I wanted to get and I can remember her smile when she said hi to me.

Out of no where we exchanged our phone numbers and she called me on the phone. I cant express my feelings when I heard her voice. I wanted to sit there and talk to her forever. She was new, crazy and unknown. I just felt this friendship is so different and it will never end.

Whenever I was down and blue she was always there. No matter my problems are, she was always there.Whenever I felt like nothing matters,she was always there.Now she is gone, and I don't know what to do. I close my eyes and think of her and how she was always there.

Initially, I thought its just a matter of time before our friendship blossoms.So, i gave some time to heal and called her on her mobile. But, most of the time the mobile keeps on ringing or it says the user is busy but never answered. That's the time I understood she doesnt need me at all.

It's hard to look at the pictures, and get memories of the good olden days. When you lose a friend, your feelings are very volatile. You begin to tumble, crash and fall through ever minute and every second that she is gone.

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...Depression...Anger...Aggression, Frustration.All these unwanted sensations is leaving my heart cold and fearing. I feel she doesn't need me any more. I used to tell her everything and now we sometimes don't even say hello anymore.

I feel betrayed and all alone, like everything is a lie. I am trapped in a world of anger and rage. No one seem to see what I am going through this time, or understand why.

I see myself sitting sadly in the corner, Knees drawn up tightly to my chest.Mind and body wreaked in sorrowAs tears course down my face.As I sit here all alone,I wonder whether she will see this article and understand what sort of pain i am going through.

Moral of the story: All that is left is the hurt and the absence in my heart, that of which nobody can ever refill.Always remember the good times of friendship, and remember what was, not what has become of a good situation into a bad. Always stay positive. Friendships are the best, don't let them die.

14 comments:

Lekha said...

Chala badha avubhavinchi rasaavu. The sweetmemories of friendship will always be there with you.

suryaveda said...

rakesh,,its really gud..gundelani pindesav....hahaha..

nt lke tht..its realy nice,,one more thing...one of my frnd is faced this..chaduvutu vunte tana situation gurtu vastondi..

Krishna Kumar said...

Annaya..exactly.same ditto situation nenippudu feeling...manalni ignore chesinavaalani maname ignore chedaam..adi naa policy...keep your head straight and lead your way...adi mandala...

deepthi said...

dammn true..this is wat i feel tooo... :(

Narayana said...

...offf...oh..sum times its really happens man.U no .....me too in da same situation exactly right now.....bt ...hmm i donno wat to say nd wat to do.......ny wy...but..accorng 2me,im sure dat one day..dey can realise tht wat dey lost nd its value......tappakunda...ala anukoni ...footforword..kummmesay Guru.

cdu said...

Rakesh....This is what Frnship.

"Frnd antene, life lo marupu leni person ani". No end for frnship. Meeru pade badha mee fnd ki kuda vuntundhi(mee manasuki kannipinchani rupam lo). Chinna lopalu pedda agadanni srustinchinaa, jeevithamlo OKKAROJU antoo mee sneham kosam vuntudi, appudu mee nestham malli mee cheyi andhukuni, thana chethito mee kanneeru thudusthundhi. Mee manasuloni "Muga spandane, rodane" daniki sakshyam ga nilusthundhi.

Really its a Heart touching article. Tears rolled in my eyes, when I was reading this.

mary said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
purini said...

Even i can feel the pain by reading ur article...separtion is really very painful..but sometimes we have to accept the unexpected things with our sweet heart..its in our hands how to change such painful times to sweet memories and continue our life journey with a hope to grab more sweetest things...

Satish Bolla said...

friendship entha andham gaa untundho, dhaanini kolpothe antha narakam gaanu untundhi. i hope u r set now

Srinivas said...

Nicely narrated. Moral "Friendships are the best, don't let them die" is good. You are expressive.

sivarchana said...

Right......its reallly difficult to explain the why's and how's behind few emotions and feelings and even more difficult to explain the reasons that make this once cherished feelings into the most detested ones..
........hmm..I can't see the pain but I can feel it :~(

Divya said...

A lovely post Rakesh!
I am reading it really late :)

Karthika said...

hey bhale rastaru andi meeru.
ippude chustunna ee post nenu.

nice one yaar,chaala baaga rasaav.

vinu said...

mmm rakesh nice post mee too mising my frnd ..hmm na frnd nannu ignore chesaka ilanee edichanu.. chala sarlu call chesanuu.. asalu lift kuda cheyakunda edipicnhaduu.. ipudepude li8 thisukovatam start chesaaa.. but cant avatledhu.. ehdolaa gurthosthunaduu...mmm ila chala chepalanivundhi..